ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE
A few years back, I got into an argument with my wife Heather. She was fed up with me always complaining about everything, and dragging her down. I was in transition after moving from another province to start our new life together. Heather didn’t get mad very often and I got her message loud and clear. She understood my frustration about not being able to find a job and challenged me to do something constructive with my time.
Even after being married and divorced three times, I still didn’t get it. I shot my mouth off, boasting that I could write a story and get it published. Heather persisted on asking me what I had written. I sat in front of my computer and wondered what the hell I was going to write about. I would start typing, get about two paragraphs done and then delete what I had written, saying it was crap. I realized after doing this a couple hundred times that I was not getting anywhere. Although never one to give up on a challenge, I was frustrated and doubted my ability to complete this task, having no formal training in the art of writing.
I decided to start over and create a list of topics I could write about. I picked three subjects Golf, Soccer and Bipolar Disorder. Then I asked myself what I would be able to come up with for those topics. I chose to write a story about bipolar disorder. I was unsure where to begin. First, I wrote a page describing why I wanted to write such a story. That page became my introduction. Then before I knew it, I was telling my life story.
I felt emotion as I stroked the keys, typing with my two index fingers. I liked what I was producing and it made me feel good about myself. There were times when my emotions would get the best of me. I was crying one moment and laughing the next. I was able to be honest to a fault with myself and even though I didn’t realize it at the time I was doing some deep inner healing.
I was able to understand and become more aware of my illness. I was now able to understand the effects my moods had on others. I was able to cleanse my soul by laying the foundation for a new beginning, and it felt great. I was consumed by this story, spending every spare moment at my computer writing. I knew I didn’t have real expertise at writing but the story had flow, it was funny and it had an element of hope. I worked on this project for over two years. When I was done I had to decide what to do with it. I had a job and put all my energy into that. I printed copies of my story and distributed them to people I knew for their reviews. I even gave one to my boss as he was an avid reader. Of the fifteen copies I distributed I only had one negative response.
I decided to go the route of self-publishing. I named the book “Bipolar Shoes - People Do Matter.” I dragged my feet a little and decided that since I had spent two years creating Bipolar Shoes I should have it copyedited to make it easier to read. When I received the manuscript back, I was horrified by all the red marks on it. I spent quite a while accepting all the corrections. I was pleased with the new look of the book and realized I had a long way to go grammatically. My story was good but my punctuation was brutal. I then decided to pursue a writing course.
I could never have imagined that an argument with Heather would lead me to write a book, but that’s exactly what happened. I also realize that I wouldn’t have a book published, except for my determination to complete the project.
In the end, I wrote Bipolar Shoes for myself. It was the best medicine I have had to combat this menace of an illness. I am a better man today because of this experience. I credit Heather for her determined support for me in all aspects of my book she is after all my number one fan.
Every once in a while a person can say he did something right in his life. I am now privileged to say I now have done two things right. Heather is my best friend, the only person that I can truly be myself with. She has made me such a better person and I can’t imagine life without her. She is the best and the first thing I did right. The love we share is immeasurable and second to none. Bipolar Shoes is my second right thing. I say that because it helped me understand bipolar disorder and how it has hurt me with the things I have done. It’s also allowing me to forgive myself. Knowing that my book could help other people learn to cope with bipolar disorder is rewarding. I have always lived my life with the attitude that anything is possible. Now I know it’s true.
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